Monday, July 22, 2013

Inside the vampire squid

NYTimes Dealbook interview with the Goldman elevator tweeter (GSElevator).
Q. Why did you start this thing?
A. Again, I wanted to amuse myself during the summer lull and while market volatility keeps capital markets transactions to a minimum. I also thought that despite the disdain out there that exists for Wall Street professionals, people still really have no idea really how bad it is — and how shallow the industry really is, and frankly, how unimpressive 98 percent of the employees are.

Q. Are you really a Goldman employee?
A. Yes. However, I cannot really elaborate on this in terms of team or location, other than to say that I am a career banker. And to preemptively clarify, I am in a front-office, revenue-producing, client-facing role. Apologies for the aggressive clarification, but it is quite pathetic to see back/middle office employees telling people (women in bars) that they are “investment bankers.” If people are at all skeptical about my employment status, it doesn’t bother me. I am doing this for my own amusement.

Q. How many of the submissions are actually yours?
A. The first few were either conversations that I have overheard directly, or that have been told to me by colleagues. Having said that, I have avoided tweets that would be too closely connected to me or any of my friend/colleagues. Once it started to get some attention, I started to receive some good submissions.

Q. Overall, what are your thoughts on your Goldman colleagues?
A. They are obsessed with working for Goldman Sachs. They seem to define themselves by their jobs/firm, as opposed to who they are as people and what their interests are.
Sample tweets:
“You can’t spell genius without a G and a S” (not said in jest)

Work hard. Eat right. Exercise. Don't drink too much. And only buy what you can afford. It's not rocket science.

#1: The Cheesecake Factory looks like a restaurant poor people think rich people might eat at. #2: Same with anything Trump.

Starbucks needs a separate line for people who have their shit together.

From my experience, most people really should have lower self-esteem.

Advice for a daughter depends almost entirely on how attractive she is.

Kids should know that Chris Paul's twin brother, Cliff, only makes $32,000 a year

As a shareholder, I have to ask... Is having a book section really the best use of Walmart shelf space?

In 50 years, no one will watch baseball. It was invented when there was absolutely nothing else to do.

Being single at 40 is perfect. Divorcées chase me. Sweet spot for 30-somethings. Rich enough to get girls in their 20s.

I don't read fiction. Unless you count an Indonesian bond offering memorandum.


Cornelius said...

One of the funnier accounts on twitter. Even though most of these quotes are jokes, they are more insightful than jokes you'd hear on the elevator of a typical Fortune 500.

Rastus Odinga-Odinga said...

In 50 years, no one will watch baseball. It was invented when there was absolutely nothing else to do.

Groan. 50 more years of that crap?

LondonYoung said...

My fave: "If guns were illegal, no one would get shot. Sort of like how no one can buy drugs."

oregonlocal said...

This "Masters of the Universe" shit is getting really old. No one has ever been able to match J.P. Morgan in cornering the market in money itself. And no, there was no irony in that post despite the feeble and craven attempt to do so.

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